The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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