I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
