Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
