Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
