Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
