We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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