i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
