Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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