Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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