I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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