just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she told me i tasted like america
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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