I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
