first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
