I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
