Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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