he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
