I'm lost and stupid without you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
