I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
