Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
