apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
