Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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