I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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