we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
