I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
