Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
