using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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