I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
