Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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