You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
