my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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