i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
