If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
