i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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