Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
