So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
His hands were made for my vagina.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
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So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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