You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
