Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
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Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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