You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
