Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
