"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine