yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..