my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.