I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit