I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
