Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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