Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
