her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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