My first STD was from a foam party
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
