I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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