Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
