i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
