fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
