the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
