Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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