how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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