She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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