hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
