My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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