i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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