Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
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The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen