I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.