i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.