And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
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she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
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Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..