hotties wanna shake it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."