A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
