I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
