why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
