the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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