May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
