My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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