I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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