You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
