Michael Bay diarrhea
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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