chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We're too hungover to prance.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
